Secrets

I stand alone, holding my secret
Holding tight
Hoping that it will slip through my fingers
So that my hands will be free
I have hands that long to touch and feel
Do as other hands do
Instead they hold my secret.

Few know my secret
But many talk
Their gossip poisoning the ones around them
Continuing like a rain that never ends.
If they only knew or if they could just feel
Then they would understand
And all dialogue would cease.

My secret is warm and benevolent
It knows me, completely, yet does not judge
My secret holds my heart
A heart that is covered in band-aids,
Kept together with Elmer’s glue,
And marked FRAGILE on the side.

I fear my secrets unraveling
Only because I know what lies in store.
Society’s scrutiny,
Suspended above my head like a gavel ready to fall
My life, forever changed
Possibly for the better
Possibly for the worst

My love for my secret is unwavering
My want is great, everyday this secret becomes harder to keep
I want to scream, tell the world about the treasure I hold
Instead I whisper in code and hide my love behind a mask
Living inside my charade, living out the part I created
Staying between the lines of “friendship”

I dream of grasping your hand in the sunlight
Instead of lightly touching your fingers in the dark
I remember all of the times, not seeing you when I want to
Doing everything not to raise the alarm
But I have to ignore my feelings
For the benefit of someone I do not know.

We live in the shadows and the darkness
Hiding the truth from the light of day
Standing alone, holding our secrets
Hiding our love from those we do not trust
Praying to God for a relief
Holding on to the distant hope that we can one day stand together
Together, not holding secrets, but showing the world our unyeilding love.

Song For Haiti

Hear my song

Song of my people

Song of my heart

Lift your prayers to my crumbled city

A city once full of hope

Now, hope is hard to find

Even in a passing glance.

My city once held my dreams

Dreams now lie among the desolate horizon

Full of death and pain.

My heart shattered as I felt the vibrations of foreshadowing

Screams, Cries, Panic

My life streamed before

My widened eyes

As the world crumbled to nothing

Mother, Father, Sisters, Brothers

Hold strong, worry not

For the weight is not much

And the blood shed little.

They will find my soon I know

For the voices come closer everyday

As the warm light becomes more tempting.

Hear my song

Song for my Haiti.

I See You

Sometimes

I take things for granted.

Friendship

Family

The sound of the wind

Precious moments that cannot be returned

But more than anything

I take you for granted.

I let words run from my mouth

That in my heart I do not mean.

They run wild in front of you

Tearing away at your very thin outer shell

Yet I cannot see this.

I cannot see the pain that I am putting you through.

Well, could not see.

Today, I saw your pain.

I saw how my words ripped through you.

You tell me it is okay,

But it is not okay.

The pain in your eyes says more than you could ever imagine.

So, I am making a change.

No more will my lips allow hurtful words to grace your ears.

You are so magnificent in my eyes

And I want to show you that not only through actions

But words as well.

So, please take my hand

And forgive the road of hurt that lies behind.

Think only of our wonderful escape that beckons

How I Know You

Good morning

Shitty coffee is a great start to a fucking nightmare,

Your body feels like a million pounds lying beside me

And truth be told sometimes I don’t want it there.

Sometimes you are new to me

But not the way you should be

You are not the nice surprise or the shiny new toy

You are the odd stranger sitting beside me on the subway

The one that I will never know.

You are a mystery.

You cover you words with a veil

Secret codes that only you can crack

Yet you want me to understand you.

But how?

All that I want is a clear understanding as to why

You cast me aside at times when you should be holding me closest

How you cannot see my struggle, yet pretend to know my pain.

Why are we pretending?

We live in a fantasy

That I fear will crumble at our feet when placed beneath the microscope of perfection.

I am afraid, but willing to face whatever lies ahead.

I just hope that you are willing to take the journey as well.

Explorations

I remember when I first fell in love with you

It was a warm night

The house was silent

And it felt as though there was nothing but you and I.

All time dissolved into nothing

And for the entire time that I held you

We were all that existed and mattered.

I remember getting lost in your green/hazel eyes

No words passed between us

They did not have to

During those few precious hours that we shared

I began to know you in a way that I never knew was possible
And you did not even have to utter a word.

With every touch of your finger on my skin

With every kiss of your lips to mine

With every chill that you sent down my spine

I began to know you more and more

And the more I knew you the greater my love for you became

Until only you filled that place in my heart that had been void for so long.

Then, the day that I had dreaded for so long came

I left you

Alone

You and I were through

The love that I left for you would never be known

It would be hidden inside of me

But I always thought that I would find another

One day, you called me

You broke my heart

Pieces were all that remained

Puddles of tears soaked my pillow

And I began to forget you

Not out of choice, but because of need.

I needed to forget you

To let your memory fade

To forget everything that we had shared and experienced

Yet I could not.

Then, you surprised me.

I came back to the same place where my love for you had begun

And there you stood

Just as beautiful and radiant as I remembered

You took me in your arms

You held me close

A few kisses passed between us

Though it is hard for me to remember because I was totally lost in you

Then you uttered the words I had been longing to hear

"I want you, I choose you."

Tears began to steam down my face

And for the duration of the night I held you and never let go.

Now, many months have passed since then

And I have done many things I would take back if I could

But all that truly matters

Is my love for you has not changed

That is a lie.

My love for you has grown deeper and stronger

I cannot imagine my life without you

And I never want to.

Whenever I tell you that I love you

I mean every word.

I want to continue to tell you those words for the rest of my life

You mean everything to me

You are everything to me

Forever and Ever

I love you.